Slow West Web-blag

THIS BLOG IS DEAD

2009-01-05T19:14:00.002-05:00

Long live the new blog.

Email with location of new blog forthcoming. If, you know, I actually know your email address.

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2009-01-04T13:44:00.000-05:00

lost again in the everywhere and nowhere of the airport.

(no title)

2008-12-26T01:55:00.003-05:00

I think this blog is finally finished.

Goodnight.

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2008-12-21T15:53:00.000-05:00

This is my new friend winston

are my seams showing

2008-12-20T01:44:00.005-05:00

No more blogging for the time being. I'm getting away from all media. Call me if you want to talk to me. I could use it right now. I might check email but no promises. Feels like I am being stabbed in the guts constantly.

Never been an emo jackhole and I don't want to start now so I'm going to go find a hole and hide there for a while. If/when I see you, I'm going to try to be chipper but no promises.

Call me

Look here!

2008-12-19T11:15:00.002-05:00

Beneath my robe!

That's not safe for work, by the way.

Crap, this too (much safer for work).

I love this story

2008-12-15T19:22:00.002-05:00

Looooooooooove it. From the New York Times:

19 Year Old Goth White Supremacist in Stupid Hat Rejected by Republican Committee.

Every word of this is a delight. The reporter is amazing. I'm going to go buy a copy of the Times tomorrow just to say thanks for this story.

Round-faced old men, women who smell of alcohol distributing unsolicited hugs to hatemongers, far-right asshole failing to sign a loyalty oath. How could this get any better? Oh right, it does there at the end: Abraham Lincoln.

Uh, you might want to turn your volume down after clicking that last link because of Dragonforce.

Finished! Done!

2008-12-15T04:41:00.003-05:00

Onward and upwards. In the last few days I have submitted an article, finished a draft of another article, presented some research to the local Classics-major undergrads, taken a final exam after taking every anti-cold medicine known to science, graded 70 essays and 70 final exams, calculated the grades for my students, finished a term paper on something I don't care about much, finished another term paper on something else I care about marginally more, and figured out my reading list for my first Ph.D. exam (Latin).

Oh, I also took an exam to demonstrate my proficiency with Italian. Ha ha ha. I don't know officially that my proficiency with Italian is "dumb," but let's be honest. It probably is. As anyone that knows the overseas version of me might have surmised, I am pretty shit at talking foreign tongues. Reading them usually goes better, but as you can probably tell from the previous paragraph, I haven't had much time to read anything extra this semester.

But that's okay. Next semester I'm doing nothing, nothing, nothing but studying for my Latin exam and possibly my minor exam (ancient history). Well, that's not entirely so. I'll also be teaching three times a week - but this is on autopilot at this point - and auditing at least two classes. Yeah, yeah, I shouldn't audit. I should just focus on my exams. But fuck that, I want to take these classes! These are the classes that I came here to take!

The rest of this week is going to be spent writing up some stuff that I should have written up months ago but couldn't get around to because of all the crazy stuff I've been up to. Did I mention that I presented two different conference papers this semester? I did do that. I also put together a dissertation committee (sort of) and a dissertation topic (sort of). Now all I need is infinite time and infinite resources and I'll be done.

So, here we go. Finish up my monograph chapter in the next couple weeks. Then start reading for Latin exam. Then figure out minor exam. Then start teaching. Then avoid doing work in the classes I'm auditing. Then prepare for the program in Portugal in August. Then figure out if I'm digging this summer, and if so, where. Then send many things off for publication (maybe finish them beforehand?). Then start figuring out major exam. Then take Latin exam and minor exam. Then find out if I'm teaching in the summer session. Then go dig and go Portugal. Then catch fire and collapse into a pile of ashes as if I had been attacked by the dread Wendigo.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeendiiiiiiiiiigoooooooooooooooo

Picking up

2008-12-14T14:06:00.003-05:00

I might be moving this blog soon. Or maybe just supplementing it. I really like the features on http://www.tumblr.com.

Or maybe not. We'll see. I'm really just procrastinating on a paper that I need to finish.

GREATEST HITS PLATINUM COLLECTION

2008-12-07T04:05:00.002-05:00

Eureka Springs is the only decent place in the whole shithole state

2008-12-01T19:30:00.002-05:00

Fuck these guys. Bunch of assholes.

As a former resident of the state, I say we find a way to launch an Arkansas-sized patch of the Earth into space. I don't care if it stays up there or falls.

Then we install it and we wait. Next time someone does something as stupid as the above link, we shoot the whole state into the void. No second chances. No remorse. Just kaboom, to the moon, Arkansas. To the moon.

Hey Arkansas, guess what! You really fucking suck.

Way to go, typo! Plus a confusing article about environmental protesters in Italy

2008-11-30T02:34:00.003-05:00

You win again, typographical error.

Yeah, I basically obsess about anything metallurgical poisoning related these days. I've got news filters set to send me all the stories about pollution and ancient stuff. Very rarely, I get something that involves both, often stories about how bad pollution is for archaeological sites.

Even more rare, I get something that involves both, but doesn't. Cf.: this story about "climate barbarians" and the protests against those barbaric inquinatores (polluters).

The footnote at the end of that story about Nero ordering a fire to be set near the Circus Maximus? Yeah, uh, what? You'd think that a journalist would know better than to take a text at face value, but I guess since this source was from the ancient days back in the olden times of Roman age then it was more trustworthy. Way to read history, journalist. I suppose he's probably just getting the Nero thing from the movie Quo Vadis which is where I assume the protesters got their Latin.

But seriously, hilarious Greenpeace hijinx there. The article seems a bit lousy with the allegory, calling the polluters "climate barbarians" and then saying that they were lead by Italy's new Emperor Nero, Berlusconi. You can't have it both ways, guy. Are the bad guys the barbarians or the empire? Thanks for mentioning that the protesters were had "ancient Roman" costumes on! Does that mean that the Romans are protesting the barbarians and emperor? I'm so confused.

Today I am thankful for the time to do some work

2008-11-27T12:54:00.002-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

The 14-year-old version of me says, "Dude, this is awesome."

The 27-year-old version agrees, "Totally awesome."

Now back to work.

This needs more press

2008-11-26T23:23:00.001-05:00

Thanks for this, Dave. I must do as you have done and share it:

Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage

Watch out.

Yeah, well, did you consult THE DAMN BAND

2008-11-26T01:13:00.003-05:00

I'm getting lots and lots of McDonald's McRib McAds all over this grease-filled article, but that seems appropriate so yee-haw! Click away!

Can you imagine the consultation that went on as described in this article?

"Uh, hey, guys, I'd like to throw one of Tennessee's US Senate seats into the fiery doom-pit that is our political party? I'm qualified to be a senator because I'm a dumbshit who has embarassed everyone, everywhere for the last couple decades and been a contributing factor in the utter fucking ruin that is modern country music. Would that be cool with you guys?"

"Rock on, Son of Hank!" replied the party elders.

I really am glad that man's daddy ain't alive to see this.

In case you're wondering, "The Damn Band" is the name of Hank Williams III's band. I imagine they would be none too pleased to hear this since they're partial to singing things like "GO FUCK YOU" and don't really seem pleased by much else. But luckily The Damn Band is more like Hank Williams Sr. and not regularly in a condition to hear the news let alone have meaningful opinions about it. Their last album was pretty good. Hank Williams Jr.? He's the future dumbshit senator from Tennessee. Welcome to America.

So you want to work with atoms

2008-11-24T01:26:00.008-05:00

Ran across this tonight and thought I would share: A Review of Criticality Accidents (fair warning, that's a 3.5mb PDF file).

It details a bunch of horrible industrial accidents -- industrial accidents involving radioactive stuff. That is the worst kind of accident. Here's some vocab for all you humanities people out there: "excursion" apparently means something exploded a little bit and got crap everywhere. "Rads" are bad, despite their similarity to "totally rad," so you don't want those. "Significant exposure" might not be as bad as it sounds, or at least certainly not as bad as "serious exposure." And, most importantly, "superprompt critical" is science-ese for "air-show-disaster-level-bad."

What the fuck. Mayak, 1968. Who the hell tries to pour this stuff down the drain after it has caused all the alarms in the facility to go off? Remind me never to go to Mayak, Russia.

Scary stuff. Oh shit, read the JCO Fuel Fabrication Plant, 1999. Oh shit. No, dudes, no, don't use the thing with the unfavorable geometry, that shit is unfavorable. Oh shit oh shit. Oh damn. Well, I'm not going to Tokai-Mura, Japan either. I mean damn it, the used the unfavorable geometry. Who does that? I'm no math-guy or whatever, and never really met a geometry I would find pleasing, but even I know better than to use the type of geometry that has "this will do a complete fuck-up on you, this is not the thing to use, ever, it is wrong and you know it, so just back the hell off, dick" written on it.

This is like walking into a train station and buying a ticket to Go-Fuck-Yourself, population: no one wants to live there. No, you go to a train station and you buy a ticket to see your grandmother so you can get a piece of fudge that she just made. And if that fudge says "don't use me for your radioactive science, I am unfavorable for that purpose" then for Fuck's Sake, go and use the favorable fudge, I'm sure your granny makes some damn favorable fudge suitable for even this crazy Japanese fuel lab.

The Mayak folks used an unfavorable thing too, so I shouldn't blame it all on those poor guys in the Japanese lab. But that Japanese lab had an excursion - not the nice kind where you take a train to see your granny, remember the exploding radioactive kind? - that lasted 20 hours. Godzilla doesn't last 20 hours. He and Mothra got things to do, you know?

Also don't put your head in a particle beam. That is unfavorable, except that it apparently stops aging? What?

The dividing line of his life goes down the middle of his face: the right side has aged, while the left froze 19 years ago.

Uh, what? How does that work? So half of this dude's head is immortal now, but burned up from the quantum shrapnel (I don't know what this means)? Maybe we should take away the deadly burning part of the shrapnel and just harness its immortality-granting properties? Can we do that? Do we have to use favorable geometry?

I still can't get over the geometry thing. Who uses the unfavorable option? Who would do that?

Oh no. Ugh. Chelyabinsk, 1968, in the reactor accidents section. One of the guys exposed left an immediate entry in the lab's log book:

“Eighty-mm diameter plug was removed. The gap was 30 mm. Polyethylene was inserted. When moving the shell down a pulse was produced. Safety system was actuated. The operator was at the distance of 0.5 meters away from the shell. The responsible person - at 1.7 meters away from the overhead-track hoist pendant. There was a flash, a shock, a stream of heat in our faces. The polyethylene contribution exceeded the expected magnitude.”

I'm never going to sleep. I might not even leave my house ever again. What if I encounter unfavorable geometry? There might be unfavorable geometry right outside my window. That stuff is scarier than bigfoot. Bigfoot is just going to throw rocks at your cabin and maybe force you to marry its sister-bigfoot. Unfavorable geometry is going to fuck up your town worse than El Niño.

Black Sabbath wrote albums about Unfavorable Geometry but they were never released because they were too scary. One time Unfavorable Geometry was invited to a Halloween party and won scariest costume even though he wasn't wearing one. Chuck Norris once got into a fight with Unfavorable Geometry. He punched Unfavorable Geometry so hard that he created a superprompt criticality resulting in serious exposure of 12,590 rads. Both arms and his beard were amputated. He died in Moscow 36 hours later.

"Every unmeasured system is assumed to be critical."

Stay classy, American stereotypes

2008-11-22T12:07:00.002-05:00

The Lord giveth (via automobile injury lawsuit settlement), and the Lord taketh away (via hilarious asshole sheriff with two tractors).

This story couldn't get any better. This is like the Andy Griffith Show, but set in a dark, gritty, "reality" where all the colors are washed out and Kevin Spacey plays a serial killer. Except instead of the movie Seven, this is about Kentucky and poverty and a man named "Pancake."

Life lesson #47: never ask a man named Pancake to help you with anything. He will fuck it up, then assist law enforcement in fucking it up completely.

HIS NAME IS PANCAKE.

A Minor Freak-Out re: Teaching

2008-11-16T23:28:00.002-05:00

One of my students just let me know that because of what I taught in class last week (which Sarah designed for her classes and I "borrowed"), that she was inspired to volunteer in Africa this June.

I'm a) worried about her safety, which is, I realize, largely unfounded and b) so incredibly proud of her. Also c) concerned about the effect the crazier shit that I say in class* has.

*example: "That is the sort of attitude that alienates the people that care about your education, and once you've done that, where will you be? Living in a van down by the river. Do you want to live in a van down by the river? No you don't, so do your damned homework."

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2008-11-14T11:38:00.000-05:00

Traveling again, this time to colorado.

FUCK YEAH, DAN SAVAGE

2008-11-14T09:33:00.001-05:00

Dan Savage debates our national village idiot.

The Sport of Kings

2008-11-11T23:05:00.005-05:00

I'm having a lot of trouble getting this thing to display properly, so just click on it for a better view.

First infinite puppies, now this.

2008-11-09T02:17:00.001-05:00

Damn it all, internet. There you go again.

Ok, you got your puppies

2008-11-08T19:40:00.002-05:00

Now it is time to give back. The annual Child's Play Charity has started up again, and it is up to you, the internet, to not fuck this up.

I did not fuck up by donating to a hospital in Egypt. They've got serious video game needs in Egypt, and it is up to you to do something about it.

No, seriously, give some money or some video games or something. If you can eat food and read the internet then you can spare some dollars. Great Depression 2: Electric Boogaloo hasn't started yet.

HERE WE GO, HERE IT IS

2008-11-07T17:51:00.001-05:00

This is why the internet exists. This is the final boss of the internet: live webcam of a pack of puppies from Japan.

Good on ya.

2008-11-07T02:24:00.002-05:00

McCain utilizes the power of barbecue to cure campaign woes

Dude's just grillin', eatin' a rack of ribs, just like every other old person in Arizona. Probably got a Bud Light hid away from Cindy -- blood pressure or diabetes or some such doctor nonsense. Hell, thing's already a light beer, basically water, and what do the doctors expect a man to do, drink water?

So good luck, senator. I'm glad you're not president, but we both know it wouldn't have been the end of the world if you were. Your running mate, on the other hand, represents all that is terrible in this universe.

Except maybe spiders. She doesn't have anything on spiders.

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2008-11-05T00:39:00.000-05:00

Watching Obama with pals. America is pretty awesome tonight.

2008-11-05T00:29:00.001-05:00

Yes we can!

VOTING INFO

2008-11-04T01:34:00.011-05:00

So I told my students that if they didn't vote, they were failures. My classroom is a dangerous place for young souls. I also distribute dinosaur stickers when I am pleased with their non-failure. I am a gem of a teacher. Dinosaurs!

Now on to more important things:

National reports

NY State reports

Voting wait time length reports

FiveThirtyEight RSS feed

More later perhaps. Voting tomorrow at 6:30 AM. Bringing some grading with me to pass the time. Here's hoping Sarah and I can pull our respective levers before we need to be at school.

If you are in town and want to watch the election with us, stop on by! We're planning an OBAMARAMA OBAMATHON tomorrow night, complete with Obama's favorite food, blue corn tacos, and some in-the-tank blue Kool-Aid. Also blue crispy treat things that Sarah is making. Did I mention that things will be blue?

Should things go especially well (i.e., 60 senate seats, no on prop 8 et al., Joe Mesi and Alice Kryzan elected, or any/all of the above), I apologize in advance for any in-the-tank Kool-Aid phone calls, text messages, or emails I may send you, you happy few, you people that will go and vote tomorrow or so help me I will find you and fail you so hard you have to go back to fifth grade civics because goddammit go and vote!

Hawaii, my new favorite state

2008-11-03T01:48:00.003-05:00

Landlord collapses building, injects tenants, blames law on aliens.

Only in America, folks.

Hey, guys. Remember to VOTE on Tuesday. And if you're around Tuesday night, come to our BLUE PARTY to celebrate (pending reason to celebrate, otherwise, expect me to be in a forgetting mood, so bring scotch).

Blinking, patriotic text. This is why the internet was invented. This is why the internet loves us all.

Remember to vote, or Sarah Palin is going to kill the internet with one of those things out of Tron. You know what I'm talking about. Not the motorcycle thing, the other thing, with the flying and the weird legs. Yeah, that thing. She's going to stab one of them deep into the heart of the internet. Apparently it is just a room full of that orange Cheeto-dust and D&D-themed novels, so no loss there I guess.

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

2008-10-28T20:29:00.001-04:00

This may have given me an ulcer. Thanks, Gary.

Autistic election obsession: POWER UP

2008-10-28T03:29:00.000-04:00

FORM OF: CRAZY CHARTS

Oh, America, bless you

2008-10-27T00:56:00.002-04:00

Go, Joe! Home stretch!

Terry Tate reminds you to vote for the candidate of your choice

2008-10-19T10:52:00.003-04:00

I have nothing to add beyond, "Gee whiz 21st century American political discourse is certainly strange!"

BUGGIN (Updated [TWICE!])

2008-10-16T01:24:00.008-04:00

UPDATED:

Thank you, Gary, international archaeologist of mystery. [And thank you again for your update!]

ADDENDUM:

Thank you, Internet.

Let's play a game. Can you think of a more awesome drink than this?

2008-10-15T00:33:00.007-04:00

This is a game I like to call "Invent a Mixed Drink." Some of you already know the fortuitous "Baby Dinosaur." Others have beheld, nay, even consumed the legendary "Spine Folder." None of you, especially you, have been tricked into drinking a "Leg Spreader," or, worse, a "Crib Death."

Have you? Have you done these things? Let's do something new instead! The times, they are increasingly bleak, and my stock of booze is dwindling fast. Thus, a run to the local equivalent of Lake Liquor (which, come to think of it, was never that local at all) is imminent. Here's a drink I've been thinking of making:

The Mjöllnir: Hammer of Thor
(This drink is experimental and based off of a crappy version I saw in a forum, so suggestions welcome! Please keep things Norse-esque in nature.)
Take a bottle of honey mead, pour it into a large bowl.
Put a roasted leg of a calf into the bowl, stir (with the leg).
Pour the mead into tumblers with at least two shot-glasses-worth of chilled Svedka or Svensk vodka.
If you feel you are righteous enough to wield the Hammer of Thor, drink up! In fact, Odin demands you chug this fucker, lest we face Ragnarok!
Proceed to regret your hubris, long for possession of Thor's magical belt, possibly stab out one of your eyes in order to foresee your own doom (optional).
Have your name entered into the Heimskringla by your local chronicler.

So what are you drinking tonight? Do you dare drink from the very flagons of the Son of Odin?

Just wow. Wow.

2008-10-14T08:51:00.002-04:00

You know your daddy ain't appreciate this, Hank. You know you'd best just get on back home before you cause yourself any further harm.

More later in this, the most political blog in America.

IN HONOR OF OUR UNCLE H. D. W. WHO SERVED IN THE WAR

2008-10-08T20:30:00.004-04:00

He penned this poem while recuperating in France from wounds he endured as a prisoner in Germany. He served honorably in the 1st Airborne Division and fought at Bastogne.

Tin Soldiers
When I was just a lad of ten,
It seems so long ago,
We'd round up our tin soldiers
And off to war we'd go.
Of course I'd be the Captain,
A hero staunch and true,
I'd lead my men to battle
And never once withdrew.
My brother was the Commander,
We were a fearless lot,
We'd charge against the enemy
And never miss a shot.
Long years have drifted by since then.
Tin soldiers cast aside.
The god of war has clenched his fist
And many men have died.
How very strange one's life can be
Where once I played at war,
I'm now a grown-up solider
On a war torn distant shore.

In his honor I will break the nose of the next person that offers me sauerkraut. He would have wanted it (really -- he told me so).

FDR Old School (PLUS)

2008-10-05T12:08:00.001-04:00

AND

"Boudica of the Great Unwashed"

2008-10-02T01:49:00.002-04:00

ajd had some interesting ethnographic questions about the recent video I posted and subsequently despaired over. Here are my answers:

1) They are riding what my people call a "four-wheeler" (this link is to a video which basically encapsulates the first 16 years of my life). With one of these fine inventions you can,

haul your self, wife, in-laws, liquor, and dog to the liquor store/church/voting booth.
hurt yourself in a "drinkin' 'n wheelin'" accident.
get hit by a train and/or arrested for methamphetamine possession

These are the advanced form of the original 3-wheeled variety of buggy which, unsurprisingly, was responsible for the rapid depopulation of several counties in Georgia as a result of "wheelie-poppin' flips" and a lack of health insurance.

2) Redneck 3 (aka Facial Hair Shaped Like Someone He Saw on the TV) is not embarrassed by the content of the video -- he's just worried about it being used against him in any current or future methamphetamine possession and/or DUI charges. He may also be worried that the camera will steal his soul, like primitive tribesmen the world-over.

2a) "Boudica of the Great Unwashed" is officially the funniest thing in the world.

3) The man in the front knows that everything being said in this video is terrible, but he is too ugly and too drunk to care. He is the only decent person in the entire county. He is a methamphetamine dealer.

(I couldn't resist two Brandon Bird links. Maybe even three.)

Shillin' for the good of the country

2008-10-01T20:49:00.003-04:00

Check this out: I made this with the help of Barack Obama's supreme internetgineers.

What did you do today? Did you do something involving your internet civic responsibility? No, you did not. You probably rode a bicycle to protest all the new roads we are having. Damn. That is lame. That is hippie shit. You go out there and you donate some bills to Obama. This is a thing I'm doing. It ain't like you're putting bills in a stripper thong. This is a presidential candidate, so just suck it up and do it. Your poverty won't get any worse just because you gave some money to a dude who should probably be leader of a good portion of the planet.

A day off, and an exercise in computer town

2008-09-28T04:20:00.003-04:00

I took the day off from a number of things:
1. Reading the news
2. Caring about politics
3. Working on, well, work
4. Grading

Instead, I played around with my computer, doing computer things, massaging the gigahertz, petting the RAM. I overclocked my Conroe E6400 -- a pretty elderly CPU these days -- into a dual cored 3ghz beast of a thing. The new fan and heatsink I installed a couple days ago are working well. Even with all that overclocking, things don't get above 50c in either core, and the system temp is a healthy 40c.

The 4 gb of DDR2-800 are also working well, after a stop in the BIOS to turn off some "feature" that cripples more than 2.5 gigs even in 64-bit systems. Seriously, ASUS, I shouldn't have to look up how to install (and make work) basic things like RAM on some lousy internet forum.

And, and, and, what is up with the computing situation in this house, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. I tried to strip out the case fans from my old Lian-Li case, but they're stuck, the only non-modular parts of the case. Oh well. The rest of that system is scrap. I should recycle it. I've also got a shitty old system I found in a dumpster. Maybe I should combine the parts from both and make a functional computer? Worth a shot.

Sarah got a new system -- a pretty fancy one, actually, with a nice 22 inch monitor. I ran some cable to it and got it on our network. The wireless is up and running too, but we don't make much use of that lately. I've been meaning to set up the dumpster computer with Xubuntu or some other low impact OS so Sarah can use it as as a recipe index and/or internet hub in the kitchen. But since she has her new computer, her little Fujitsu (which runs Fedora Core 6, by the by, meaning it is impossible to give it access to our Vista network drives) has performed well in that role. My laptop sees use at school, but that's about all.

What other computers are in the house? Well, there's Sarah's old, big Compaq laptop. It died over the summer. Mobo or something. It won't even post. That's about it, though. There's a PDA around here somewhere. Oh, and I want to build a internetting system for the living room so we can replace our cable TV with, well, the internet. Who needs cable when you've got Hulu? Maybe that will get done some day.

But beyond that (oh, I also updated my BIOS, and finally got around to installing Kubuntu over the fucked up Ubuntu install on my second hdd), I haven't done much today. Yeah, okay, I read a bit of news and looked at a couple polling sites. But not obsessively.

I did obsess over Call of Duty 4, which I found on sale and have been enjoying for the past, oh, too long. Is it really 4 AM? Oops.

YAAAAAAAAY RED WHITE N BLUE

2008-09-26T20:52:00.003-04:00

Remind me again why we continue to provide essential services to these volk? Remind me again why we don't just let them slide off into the festering anti-literate hell they envision for our bright American future? Remind me again why we have some hope, because I'm having a hard time lately.

I need to stop reading the news.

OH GOD THERE IS BLOOD EVERYWHERE: Presidential Politics and Current Late Night TV

2008-09-25T20:52:00.004-04:00

Craig Ferguson is my kind of American (naturalized).

WSJ Blog (what) and Pervert Round-Up

2008-09-23T21:51:00.002-04:00

Ok, first this: Wall Street Journal blog actually writes some mildly funny satire, or, no, wait, they're just forwarding their spam.

Next: My recent post about how McCain was a centaur who fucked other magical chimerae did not, surprisingly enough, bring in any mad pervert traffic. I am honestly surprised. But, nevertheless, since no one else played the game with me, I declare myself victor and Prince Pervert Magnet!

Better luck next time. You'll have to beat my high score of nada. (Which, now that I think about it, might be the winningest score of all. Well played, internet.)

Finally: bye, I have to go finish my grading.

You know you should go to sleep when...

2008-09-22T03:24:00.002-04:00

...the ancient inscription you are reading ends with "barraka" and you suddenly can't remember if you're reading an ancient text or CNN.

Yeah, that Barack and this "barraka" are etymologically related. Really.

This is first time it has been read and understood (given its content, I define this as "making some sense out of what it means if not what it says") in approximately 1800 years. I think it is something very strange. It is clearly "ritual," to fall back on archaeology's most well-worn excuses for not knowing what a thing is. But I mean actually ritual, like magic. Occult-ish stuff. Mystical shit, even.

What the hell, ancient doodad? Why you got to be so weird. I am seriously creeped out by this thing right now and very glad I only have pictures and not the actual artifact in the room with me. This is probably the only time I will ever say that in my career.

This ain't somethin I'm proud of in the main, but here you go

2008-09-14T15:45:00.004-04:00

So we had a big party last night, music and everything, dudes chill and drinking sangria made by this Italian guy I know. All at least three nationalities at this party, and more than two languages too. Beer situation pretty good. Sarah made us a classy spread involving foods like seviche and maybe other foods created using methods other than the heat from a stove or some such apparatus as was generally used.

Yeah it was raining, so the backyard grilling didn't pan out -- that's cool, though. Some one still brought some hot dogs and hot dog buns, like we were going to grill something so crass, which would be great normally but we were being more fancy last night than a damn hot dog.

But this afternoon I'm crawling around in the kitch searching for something to eat and feel bad about myself afterwards. Something that would go well with the pile of beer in my fridge, which I'd like to sample as the main entree of my lunch. "Well, shit," I thought, "Why don't I microwave myself up a couple hot dogs? Ain't that a thing a dude might do while his girl is out for a couple hours giving some anthropology-major-leveraging-his-summer-abroad-experience-into-a-career $600 to teach her how to go about making premium stretches via yoga or whatever?"

Then I was like, "Fuck. Ain't no hot dog buns ever even been in this house. This house has paint on the walls that makes a man low if he even thinks about bringing white bread hot dog buns in here." No, I was wrong. Wrong. There was all kinds of hot dog buns in that fridge. Some other person brought them into this house, and I thank them here and now for making me not feel the kind of shame that a person does when they purchase hot dog buns and then bring them home instead of feeding them to pigeons or a homeless dog.

And that's why my lunch is what it is today. 4 PM or nearly there. Heineken, a beer I don't buy because of class issues at the opposite end, seeing as how if I bought it I would get embarassed and maybe my friends would call me a failure for thinking so high of myself and I'd just end up burying it in the backyard. Also two hot dogs on a plate, with some government cheese on them -- the last of it, the cheese I mean, from the wax-paper-wrapped block that my parents brought a week or so ago.

See, I've got this cousin who owns a grocery store sort of thing, but small and kind of awful inside. I used to buy baseball cards there. He's a good guy, but he steals cheese from the government and sells it because that's cheaper on his end than buying it wholesale and selling it, although maybe it is of a higher quality in the latter fashion of commerce. Have you ever had any government cheese? It is pretty rude in terms of flavor, but not in a bad way. Like in a way where you expect it to drive a customized van with the floor rusted out of the passenger side.

"Don't sit there," the government cheese would warn you before you got in his van, "Just go ahead and open up the back. Got a futon in there. Better anyway."

Anyway, I'm going to let you go. I've got this Heineken to polish off, and its not getting any colder, you know?

Prince of the Pervert-Magnets: an Update and a Proposal

2008-09-10T09:06:00.004-04:00

I haven't dropped off the face of the earth. Yet. Things are just very busy here. We moved, are still unpacking, and I'm sort of taking 4 classes. Granted, one is a "sit-in" without a grade and one is an independent study, but still. Four. Oh boy. I'm also teaching, teaching, teaching, and that is working out better than it was in previous updates.

Today we get cable internet in our house, so I won't have to steal delicious wireless from my neighbors.

The following is just to see how many hits I get from Google:

John McCain is a centaur, and, like all centaurs, he has illicit sexual intercourse with a variety of barnyard animals.

In fact, I propose a competition. For all of you with the google-analytics set up or some other visitation-tracking web-application thing, I challenge you to a duel. Come up with the strangest sentence involving John McCain and a mythical creature you can think of, count the number of hits you get from people searching for something like "John McCain centaur porn," and post the results by Sept. 17th. The winner shall be named Prince(ss) Pervert-Magnet.

Buzz Aldrin: My Kind of American

2008-08-29T23:51:00.002-04:00

Buzz Aldrin, American astronaut hero, punches assholes in the face for breakfast.

Seriously. Never call an astronaut -- especially an Apollo astronaut -- a coward. Never do that. Bad idea.

Weeks to live: -1

2008-08-29T20:05:00.002-04:00

First week of the semester over, and wow, I'm actually pretty tired. This is bad because we are moving -- yes, that's right, moving, this weekend. Moving! Moving to a bigger place with windows and a half-of-a-garage and a yard even. This is going to be a project. It will require labor. Boxes have been packed and soon must be packed into a 17-foot truck. Sunday we move out, sleep in a motel room, then move into the new place.

Exciting! Exhausting!

2008-08-18T06:30:00.002-04:00

Well, I'm back at home. Classes start in a week, and I need to get to work prepping for my teaching assignment. I also need to figure out what I'm going to be taking -- maybe an independent study? At the moment, though, I've just got mail to sort, bills to pay, bureaucracy to sort out, and a gym to hurt myself in. We're moving to a new place in a couple weeks, and I won't have easy access (I mean, I could walk to the gym on campus, but eh) to a gym.

Beyond that, I've got work to do. Work work work. Three chapters to write, two articles to revise and submit, some grant proposals to propose.

Customs officials confiscated my soil samples yesterday. I'm still pretty peeve'd about that. They said that there might be "nematodes" in the soil. I asked them how to spell "nematode," wrote it down in my day planner, then threatened to "show them" by "looking it up on Wikipedia." Turns out nematodes are pretty scary, so thanks, Customs Official with Awful Hair and Other Customs Official who Shook Her Head in Disbelief at my Soil Samples. Thank you for protecting America's agriculture -- granted, it was to the detriment of Portugal's archaeology, but whatever. That's what I get for declaring the contents of my bag at the border.

Ok, it is almost 7 here and I need to sweat out this remaining jet-lag (seriously, I crashed at 9 PM like an old lady). Off to the gym. Sarah is out doing bikram for another hour, and I need to get to the office later.

And pay some bills. Ugh.

Anticipation

2008-08-15T19:31:00.003-04:00

There is a creature tugging at the insides of my eyelids. It isn't sleep, no, but fuck all tired. I'm going to sleep for a week when I get back to the USA. Or, rather, sleep for a bit, then get back to work. The semester starts in, oh, nine days, and I am not at all prepared.

I should really think about writing a syllabus while I'm on the plane Sunday. A syllabus and a dozen other things.

Also, I finally figured out the typology of those stupid little lamps. Provoost. VI-1,1s. Or maybe VI-1,2s. Anyway, that's what they are, maybe, according to Provoost. I still need to check them in the book of such things, but I lack a library at the moment.

Time for sleep. My eyes are burning and my internet narrative is beginning to sound like David Sedaris, all obsessed with spiders and embarrassing himself. And thank Jesus that Firefox has a built in spellchecker, or you would have gotten an embarrass that was short a solitary "R", and what a shame that would have been.

Honestly I'm pretty worried about it.

Those of you that merit postcards (i.e.: those of you whose addresses I have close at hand) will receive your postcards soon, I hope, unless the Portuguese Postal System has more challenges that I, ignorant, anticipated.

I am really ready to be back home. I am really ready to drink some over-cooked coffee and read a book in public.

I TOIL WITH LABORIOUS WORKINGS

2008-08-12T15:02:00.002-04:00

Back in Lisbon after a short trip to the Alentejo. We did some heritage management work there, work I feel pretty good about having done. We cleaned up a Roman and Visigothic cemetery, tried to identify new graves, and prepared it for conservation and tourism. More needs doing, but more always needs doing.

I'm leaving for Buffalo on the 17th, and I have a lot to do before then. I also maybe hurt my back doing archaeology. Or maybe doing heavy lifting. Either way, ouch. Apparently I'm older than I used to be. Sleeping on IKEA foam-core on a kitchen floor in the middle of Portuguese farmland doesn't help things with back-soreness either, I suppose.

Things will be crazy busy when I get home! And even crazier when the semester starts! I can't wait!

C'mon, blue!

2008-08-01T03:17:00.001-04:00

I wake up this morning and what do I see but Manny Ramirez traded to the Dodgers? What the fuck?

Lisbon: Making Fun of Helen Keller desde 1835

2008-07-30T17:11:00.001-04:00

Behold, the best picture yet of the Helen Keller Center for kids who can't read good or drive either. Doubt me still? Doubt Lisbon still?

What day is it?

2008-07-25T18:36:00.002-04:00

Still em Lisboa, still working in the museum. I have more to do, but less to do, more to do, less to do. So my days go. I submitted two abstracts. Should I submit more? Maybe. Truth be told, I've managed to translate a thing that no one has ever translated before, except maybe around the time the thing was made, and maybe not even then given the nature of the thing.

I'm being vague because I might be publishing this and don't want to give anything away. For serious, I translated around 9 lines of Greek that have defied translation for, uh, ever. And I'm right, like actually correct, not making shit up at all. I know what it says. The museum's little identifying plaque for the thing says "IMPOSSIBLE TO TRANSLATE." Dreadful lies. I translated it. It says some pretty groovy things.

Back in reality, I'm working on metallurgical slags, drinking too much, and missing Sarah. When I'm not doing this, I'm accessioning a 20+ year old late Roman/early Christian collection. Plus some Bronze Age and Iron Age stuff. And some Roman stuff. Basically a lot of stuff.

Three weeks left here, so I need to create a to-do list.
1) Finish looking at the slag
2) Write up project proposals
3) Go to the library, the one that the wrecking balls are about to hit
4) Take soil samples, measure some drains and such
5) Reacquaint myself with ceramic typologies and fabrics, a thing that seems like it must be redone every summer

Summer is pretty good. I'm reading Caesar in my off-hours, and that's profitable. When I get back to the States, I'll be moving, moving, moving, all hopefully before the semester starts anew.

Ok, I need to run down to the local telephone and make sure that gypsies didn't kidnap my friend. Ciao.

2008-07-19T13:17:00.002-04:00

I am in Lisbon for a bit, working on bits of things. Already finished the only novel I brought (mistake!) and now currently have resorted to reading, gasp, work-related materials. Also, I should be write-write-writing away on some things, but I suppose that can wait.

It is good to be back buried in a pile of archaeology. Four more weeks to straighten out this project, then back home to, hopefully, move apartments. Our new place is great, and I'll put some pictures up. I'd phone some pictures to the blog, but dang ol' international data rates are like $1.30 for showing you the photo I took today of a museum display of interesting knots. And that's a little steep just to show you some knots.

I'll put up some pictures from the camera, though, since the internets I'm currently using are (gasp!) stolen from some unwitting neighbor.

Thanks, SpeedTouch wireless, for being about as insecure as a middle school boy named "Douche."

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2008-07-12T18:08:00.000-04:00

Everyone waits at newark.

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2008-07-12T16:39:00.000-04:00

To lisbon i go. With my wall-e watch, of course.

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2008-07-12T13:07:00.000-04:00

Traveling yet again.

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2008-07-10T19:58:00.001-04:00

Baseball!

Happy 5th of July

2008-07-05T11:53:00.005-04:00

My favorite obituary for Jesse Helms: American Garbage.

And once again...

2008-07-05T09:58:00.002-04:00

...I return to being an "experiential archaeology blog." Here's a link:

Italy Declares Pompeii to be "In Totally Crap Shape"

For reals.

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2008-06-28T14:14:00.001-04:00

Blue spencer

2008-06-27T23:22:00.001-04:00

Woo drinkin with cuz

George Carlin and his Magic Sparkle Dust (yes, cocaine)

2008-06-24T14:21:00.002-04:00

Why'd you have to go when we needed you most, George?

In Other News

2008-06-19T23:00:00.003-04:00

Bunch of things to do, for which I am thankful. But, fair friends, I always have time to spare for ~~this blog~~ you. Also, the Daily Show is on and I always need something to do while watching TV.

I saw many of you not long ago! And that was great! I also saw many of your dogs, which was also great! Sadie, Biscuit, et alia canes were awesome to varying degrees. (SECRET MESSAGE: SADIE WAS AWESOMEST.)

Now, after a trip to Austin and a long drive to Buffalo, I'm back to work. Granted, less work than during the semesters proper, but still lots of work. Different work. Unassigned work. As in, today I felt like watching the Portugal vs. Germany UEFA game and reading Caesar's Gallic War. So I did! It was pretty fun.

Also on my plate this week is car maintenance (which will wait until Monday), prepping an activity relating to Pompeii's graffiti for some middle schoolers (which needs more work), and some writing and submitting abstracts and papers and such (which will wait until next week).

What did I accomplish today? I'll tell you! I busted my hand up, passed out from pain, and nearly gave myself a concussion! When I woke up, I noted that yes, my head did hurt because it had cracked the bathroom door. And, to boot, my hand was bruised and swollen. Ow. Let this be a warning to all of you: don't accidentally put your hand in a ceiling fan while you are putting on deodorant. And then, if you haven't eaten anything all day, at least go sit down instead of cleaning your busted hand immediately, cause passing out sucks.

Well, nothing is broken (besides the door), and I did use the passing out as an excuse to lay around and watch soccer half the day. So, all in all, not a bad day. My hand fucking hurts.

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2008-06-17T20:58:00.000-04:00

Founding fathers pub. Blurry.

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2008-06-16T16:39:00.001-04:00

Mr Tesla

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2008-06-16T16:05:00.001-04:00

Holy shit. That's just the american falls too.

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2008-06-15T13:40:00.001-04:00

so this trailer in kentucky says raping for jesus. What.

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2008-06-14T13:20:00.001-04:00

these are low clouds outside of dallas

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2008-06-12T18:26:00.001-04:00

Gas station in south austin. Oh, times.

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2008-06-11T19:59:00.001-04:00

Sarah in the sunrise. It was way too early for this to be a very good time, but it wasn't terrible. Not terrible at 7 am isn't bad.

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2008-06-10T14:06:00.000-04:00

Fossil carbon will be our doom. Or delicious treat.

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2008-06-10T08:03:00.001-04:00

7 am. Here's a jellyfish from sarah.

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2008-06-10T07:10:00.001-04:00

Too fucking early in the morning for this to be pretty.

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2008-06-09T18:50:00.001-04:00

Dinosaurs. How did i get here?

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2008-06-07T14:35:00.001-04:00

Man rolling down hill outside clinton library.

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2008-06-05T20:26:00.001-04:00

Sadie has competition: Biscuit.

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2008-06-05T17:32:00.001-04:00

Bottom flotatio?

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2008-06-05T17:22:00.001-04:00

Travel boredom.

You know how to contact me by now, robots of the deep.

2008-05-29T15:24:00.003-04:00

I WILL BE IN ARKANSAS MAY 31st - JUNE 5th.
I WILL ARRIVE ON THE NIGHT OF THE MAY 31st.
I LEAVE ON THE AFTERNOON OF THE JUNE 5th.

You are all advised to see me.

Facebook, email, text message, telephone, and blog comment are all accepted forms of communicating your desire to see me.

Special hint: I want to see you. We will have times and promised adventures from the imaginations of our youth, swinging, LeBeauf-ian, from vines and discovering Secret Gardens together, in dresses.

No, Dave, you don't have to wear a dress. Yes, everyone else will be wearing a dress. Yes, we will bring an extra in case you change your mind.

(I miss you all terribly.)

New Place

2008-05-24T21:06:00.002-04:00

Just found a new place to live, starting this fall. So excited!

Also, nice not to have that to worry about.

Uh, that's pretty much it from me. Hooray summer!

Xmas in May

2008-05-19T18:12:00.002-04:00

To celebrate me being awesome, I have refreshed a couple computer components, including a gorgeous 22" Samsung wide screen and a BFG 8800 GT 512MB video card. What, oh what, will I be doing with these new things? Three words:

Age of Conan

(Imagine the above link dripping with blood and ichor as in ca. 1995 goth/metal/D&D webdesign)

That's right, I will be spending some time (not all my time, mind you, as I am an adult with things to do) crushing my enemies, seeing them driven before me, and hearing the lamentations of their women.

Hells yes, it is time to wreck shit with an axe and an ill-tempered barbarian persona.

Join me, Dave and Sean? You know that great destiny only awaits at the point of a sword.

The best part of this Conan thing is I won't have to put up with fucking dwarves and elves and dark elves and forest critters and gnome robots and magic subway systems and space elves and bullshit like that. Conan is a man's MMORPG, filled with confidence, musty-smells, wenches, draught ale, rich, masculine corduroy (the best kind of roy), and glorious, gore-ious murder.

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2008-05-11T16:00:00.001-04:00

Engaged in the orgy of late capitalism.

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2008-05-11T09:28:00.001-04:00

From plane to bus to train. And then maybe a car. Will i ever walk again?

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2008-05-11T06:40:00.001-04:00

I love traveling.

This is pretty much the worst

2008-05-08T06:11:00.002-04:00

I've been up all night the past... week. It has been a week, officially, tonight, that I have been awake from sundown to sunrise. What the fuck, my body clock?

Well, it isn't necessarily my body's fault. See, I've got three papers due and 70 exams to grade. The exams are waiting until next week. The papers must be done by Friday, 5 PM (varying dates before that, actually).

I just put the kibosh on #2 at 6 AM. My neck hurts, my eyes are getting blurry, and I'm about to grab 4 hours or so. Then up again, off to the office for a proofread and pulling some fucking conclusion out of my ass, and maybe scattering a few more citations throughout. Who doesn't like a good citation salad? And then, finally, birthing this brain-spawn through that interdimensional portal between the unreal and the real that we call a printer.

And then, back home to start on paper #3. That's the one that's due on Friday, 5 PM. That's the one I haven't written a single word on. The one I don't really have any research done on. And yet, probably the easiest one of the three, because I actually like the topic.

Saturday, you fucking shithead, I am going to beat you senseless with a sleep-stick. I am going to make you hurt deep in your somnus gland. And that's an imaginary gland I just made up because I liked my first sleep-related joke so much. So fuck you, Saturday. I'm going to violently sleep during you. And also clean my house like a damn hurricane and wash some clothes and pack up because, what the fuck, I'm flying to Providence on Sunday.

HEY EVERYONE DO YOU SEE THE RATINGS THING AT THE BOTTOM OF MY BLOG! WHAT THE SHIT IS THAT FUCKING THING! GODDAMMIT I AM SO FUCKING SHIT ASS TIRED FUCK FUCK FUCK.

THIS DOG HAS BEEN SENT BY SATAN TO DESTROY YOU AND ALL YOU LOVE

2008-05-03T23:23:00.003-04:00

Holy fucking shit this dog is terrifying.

Yeah, Sarah and I are looking for a dog, but, uh, this is not it. Because it is clearly possessed by THE DEVIL.

Things not to do when visiting a potential graduate department

2008-04-30T20:33:00.005-04:00

1) Make bizarre racist comments regarding "urban" populations and "trade schools"

2) Treat your hosts like they aren't worth your time, especially since they don't have any beer

3) Act like you are on the set of Revenge of the Nerds 8: Ogre Goes Classics

What a jackass that one was.

Percentages

2008-04-28T14:34:00.002-04:00

15.38% of my visitors last month came here via googling "goose sex" or its variant, "fuck a goose."

9.82% of my visitors originated from Stanford.edu (11 referrals from that domain).

Therefore, 1-2 people from Stanford are interested in fucking geese.

I am a scientist.

Hear and believe

2008-04-26T17:00:00.003-04:00

Man sends a book and a letter to Canadian Prime Minster Stephen Harper every two weeks, is crazy.

This is the sort of thing that makes me heart the internet.

Talking down

2008-04-24T00:48:00.002-04:00

You should read this article in the NYT on veterans and despair.

Pretty rough stuff.

Things I did today: drank too much coffee to recover from practically no sleep in the last few nights, gave 70 soon-to-be-sophomores an essay exam, signed up to donate bone marrow, and worked on a presentation that's due tomorrow.

The bone marrow thing was caused by a guy I ran into in the hall who asked, "Hey! Do you want to save a life?"

"Uh, okay? Do you mean 'give blood' or 'pull a man from quicksand'?"

"No, donate bone marrow -- I'll take you to the room!"

"So I'm not saving a life, my potential bone marrow donation will save a life with the help of a doctor and numerous lab technicians?"

"What? I guess?"

"Well I just think it is dishonest to ask me if I want to save a life. Clearly I want to save lives, unless they aren't worth saving, like Hitler or something."

"Do you want to sign up or not?"

"You are like the Patriot Act. Yeah, I'll sign up."

Who knows? I might indirectly contribute to increasing a person's longevity if I am chosen to have a giant fucking needle jabbed in my spine. Patriot Act wins again.

And thus the end of all things, thanks to professional wrestling.

2008-04-21T23:20:00.003-04:00

This is like that one guy you knew in college that was obsessed with professional wrestling decided that, hey, wrestling fans deserve to be courted by presidential candidates. So dies our beloved republic.

They replayed this tonight

2008-04-20T00:44:00.001-04:00

Roger Clemens Presents

Damn scrawny stat geeks.

Thermopylae Redux

2008-04-17T01:27:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I just get a hankering to read something grim and offensive and heartless, something so filled with hate for the dumb that you can't help but smile as the author savages his unlucky prey.

As you might know, I myself have a big hate-on for that fucking 300 movie. I typed up a screed against it shortly after its release -- and now, after reflecting on it a bit, I continue to hate the ever loving shit out of that garbage. Fuck you, Frank Miller.

Well, the War Nerd hates it even more. Ancient history types will be interested to read his ugly review of V. D. Hanson, atomic neocon toolbox of classics.* This is all very Not Safe For Work if you work at a place that is afraid of crazy Russian tabloids and maybe a picture of a person's bottom.

*Don't know who V. D. Hanson is? This is him.

I engaged in mortal combat with a water fowl

2008-04-11T19:06:00.006-04:00

I was out for a jog at the park when it started to drizzle and turn cold -- or at least too cold for the t-shirt and shorts I was wearing. I headed back to the car to grab my windbreaker when I noticed a goose standing -- nay, shitting -- on the trunk of my car.

"Fuck you, goose," I thought and walked towards my car, expecting it to flee at my approach.

Instead the goose hissed at me.

This time I expressed my dissatisfaction aloud: "Fuck you, goose!"

Now, this might be a good time to let my readers in on one of my personality quirks. I hate geese. Hate them. Always have. They, as entities, suck. My current conflict with him has been brought to a head by the frequent gooseparties that occur outside my bedroom window at 4 AM. I hate these parties. I am never invited, but they always wake me up. The extent of hostilities so far has been them honking and carrying on and being fucking assholes and me standing on the balcony in my underpants swearing at them and throwing whatever I have handy, which as it turns out has been the DVD of Naked Gun 33 1/3. I did not forsake Leslie Nielsen to the feathery horde once thrown. No, I recovered him once the sun had arrived.

But the long and short of it: fuck geese and geeseparties. I hate them.

So here I am, sweaty and cold and confronted by a prime-asshole goose that has ignored my instructions to go fuck itself and die, and instead is maneuvering between me and the driver's side door, hissing all the while.

"I am tired of this charade, goose," I say quietly, as to a long-time foe, "We both know your hissing means nothing. I am primate and you a lowly bird-creature! Leave now or face-"

And that's when the goose bit me. Fucking goose. Goose bites hurt a lot, if you're wondering, but according to the internets they cannot give you rabies. Anyway, fuck that goose. I retreated for a moment while the goose hissed and prepared to link his bite into a full-fledged flogging combo.

I regained my balance and immediately proceeded to kick (C-C-C-COMBOBREAKER in the jargon of Killer Instinct) that fucking goose like a goddamned soccer ball into the side of my car. And yes, I did the kicking with my bitten leg, just to show that goose (or maybe all geese! fuck you, geese!) why our species is to be respected.

Once the goose had gathered itself and begun to scurry away, I began to chase after it, yelling "FUCK YOU GOOSE FUCK YOU GOOSE FUCK YOU GOOSE" at the top of my lungs. People were staring and children were clutching their mothers' and a dog was looking up from its frisbee all surprised and probably cheering me on because dogs hate geese probably worse than anything. It was a scene at the park that I made, the sort of scene that my parents universally forbade from an early age, an embarassing scene. Then I got in my car and left.

Fuck geese. The next time they have a party outside my window, I am going to ruin their shit like Mr. Miyagi. I might even go buy The Next Karate Kid just to use against them. Karate movies are like kryptonite to geese.

Totally obsessed with this now

2008-04-09T23:47:00.005-04:00

Some of these might not be work safe if your supervisory systems disapprove of poking fun at Rosa Parks.

What have you done, G? What have you done?

I love you, baseball

2008-03-31T17:09:00.002-04:00

Bush boo'd by baseball boosters, but brings ball barreling beyond base (barely).

Annoying at first, then hilarious

2008-03-21T12:40:00.000-04:00

FOREVER SLEEP